I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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