can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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