Me too!
I CAN MOONWALK!
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
