I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
