we made out on top of his cat.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
