Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
