You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
