Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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