To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
