My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
