I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Say something about gay babies.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
