Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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