Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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