I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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