my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
