i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
