This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
