i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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