well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Randomize