i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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