Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
