yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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