Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
In other news, I just burned my penis
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
