Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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