there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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