I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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