12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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