Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
