I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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