Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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