taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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