Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
