the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
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