i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
