kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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