Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
