I met the friendliest cop last night
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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