i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
