I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
