a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
