"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
