She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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