i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
