My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
