If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
My bed smells like the plague
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
