i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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