I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
