What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
