My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize