The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
