i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
