Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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