Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
