Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
how drunk are you?
Several
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
