I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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