Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
