I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
