literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
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