I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
