woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
