I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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