he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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