my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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