OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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