Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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