If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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