I wannas sexs uuuuu
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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